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Stop Dating Until You Don’t Need To
I often tell clients not to date until they don’t need to. The fundamental premise behind such a cliché is that if I am unhealthy, or needy, or on the rebound, or broken than any legitimate concerns I...
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Jealousy And Obsession
I work a great deal with people who are in the throes of an obsession. It may be a love or a love lost, a new hobby or a destructive coping mechanism. No matter what the cause, obsession can be a...
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Rewiring Your Brain
A new study reported by the Huffington Post, among others, is reporting that cocaine begins rewiring the brain even after a single usage. This is old news to those of us who deal with addictions or...
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The Myth of Feeling Good
I’ve confessed before on this website that I work part-time at a drug and alcohol counseling service on the west coast. Over the years there I have learned a few things, and nothing more important...
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The Rest Of My Life
I am getting shockingly old. I’m not quite sure how it happened but one day I was mildly cool (back when cool was a thing) and seemingly the next day I was old. How did this happen? I was always the...
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Desperate For Approval
Anyone who works in the mental health industry can tell you that almost everyone struggles with crippling self-esteem for some of their life. It is an epidemic. We are a generation that cannot love...
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Gratitude
She came in for needle exchange, “for a friend”. It was her first time here so I took the basic information. It was her 50th birthday today. The only gift I could offer was coffee. Here’s the thing –...
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My Inner Monster
The voice within me. I have a second voice, deep inside, that I listen to. I’m not dissociative, not paranoid or delusional, but he’s still there. He tells me things are going to be alright. He invites...
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You Make Me So Angry
You Make Me So Angry. As a counselor I often face the daunting task of helping people see that no one else can make them angry. No one else can make them sad. No one else, short of a disaster, can...
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Why Some Relationship Counseling Doesn’t Work
Listen to people talk about their problems long enough and you begin to realize that there isn’t very much we can do about some situations. Take for example the person who comes to talk to me,...
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Beginnings And Endings
It’s that time of the year again. Time to look ahead in anticipation of what is not yet. We are in a state of becoming. Everything has been made new. It’s also a time to say goodbye. Gone are those...
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500
Five hundred. … 500 fights, that’s the number I figured when I was a kid. 500 street fights and you could consider yourself a legitimate tough guy. You need them for experience. To develop leather...
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Instructions For A Bad Day
Mindfulness moments – from Shane Koyczan Remember the times you could have pressed “quit” but you hit “continue”? Every bad day has an end…
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What Do You Want?
You can pretty much do anything you want as an adult. The question is, what do you want? Didn’t you imagine, back so long ago, that once you became an adult you would run free, drink deep, love long,...
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The Great Perhaps
I’m tired of pessimism. It is the world I live in. It is the state of things around my chunk of the party. I have often said that by the time people get to be about 40 they have seen enough pain, been...
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Quote Of The Day
Counseling is about trying to change the way we think – so that we are happy in spite of our situation, not because of it.
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Experimenting With Deductive Reasoning
I watch a lot of Sherlock Holmes. No one is as good as Basil Rathbone, no matter what you might think. I can see him clearly in my mind’s eye, which is amazing when you consider I cannot imagine the...
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How Long Can This Take?
It’s very sad. I have watched it happen for years but it continues to haunt me, just a little bit. She quit. She had been coming for just over two months and she was frustrated. The change that she was...
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Goalies and Gatekeepers
I have never been very good at being a goalie. It has gotten me in trouble all my life. There is something to be said for encouragement. I have always tried to be that cheerleader, even when someone...
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